When it comes to weight loss, a lot of people talk about what inspires them to be successful. You don’t often hear about what holds us back from achieving our goals. Most people that are discussing the subject have already been successful, so a lot of the turmoil has been forgotten. Maybe because I haven’t reached my goal weight yet, or maybe because this trial has been so tumultuous, I remember exactly what got, and still gets, in my way. Her name is Jenny Lutkins.
Three years ago, I was in the fight of my life, and for my life.
My own thoughts, my own chemistry, and my own loss of hope were beating me to a pulp. The least of my problems was that I weighed two hundred and forty six pounds. I cried ninety percent of the time, I never left my living room, I slept a lot, and I went to the doctor constantly trying to get help. My parents, my husband, my friends, and my doctors all tried in vain to pull me out of the grips of my own negativity. Then things changed. Like when George Bailey jumps in the river to save Clarence in “It’s A Wonderful Life”, a series of events occurred to turn everything around for me. My Dad offered to pay for a personal trainer, my mother dealt out some tough love, and the trainer I hired went above and beyond to push me into changing my mind set and start kicking negative Jenny’s butt.
Name an excuse, I used it.
I blamed my thyroid, my medication, our finances, my four-year-old son, etc. etc. Nothing was wrong with my situation, or me other than I was literally arguing myself into failure. I have a food log from back then where I literally wrote down Doritos and a Coke for breakfast. I actually gave that log to my trainer to evaluate, the poor guy. Those food logs have been essential in my battle against myself. Having that to refer back to, along with journal entries, blogs, and old pictures, give me all the ammunition I needed to fight, and get out of my own way.
Not all of my successes have been because of some elusive inner strength.
A lot of my power came from simply “cleaning up” my nutrition. After reading my logs, I was able to scientifically see what was wrong, and it was no wonder I didn’t feel good. Once I started feeling better, and busting my butt in training only added to the rush, it was a lot easier to keep the momentum and push past my excuses. Negative Jenny still jumps in front of me from time to time. My one treasured achievement is being able to recognize when something difficult is really in my way, or if it’s just an excuse I’m using because I’m tired, ate too much sugar, or didn’t get my cardio in. Negative Jenny may be eighty pounds heavier than I am, but I am way stronger than she is. If it’s just me in my own way, there’s no contest. I will win.
